"If you think the idea of Pedialyte is disgusting, I guess you’ve never been desperately hungover..."

Last summer everyone switched from Rose to crisp and slightly effervescent “minerally” wines, purchasing bottles labeled “natural” if you could afford it. We drank it a lot thus my friend James was downing strawberry Pedialyte to rectify his hangovers. Pedialyte being the translucent pink flavored potion you’d give a diarrheal infant. Ambitious alcoholics discovered this to be a first-rate cure, Gatorade on steroids, essentially. If you’ve never tried Pedialyte, it has a slightly upsetting plasmatic viscosity, just thick enough to bum you out while going down your throat. Luckily they make a clear and unflavored version for the home chefs I presume, ideal for bumming you out even more. I thought of replacing water with clear Pedialyte when making cold brew coffee, a stroke of genius I thought, congratulating myself with zero encouragement from anybody whom I’d stopped to tell. What better for your hangover than a bunch of electrolytes and cold brew, I thought. Unfortunately, it’s more fun to look at than sip, unexpectedly salty coffee is a bit nauseating, especially at a fragile time, but it’s no big deal.

About to give up on my million dollar hangover cure, I realized the bloody mary is a perfect vessel for the ‘lyte. It’s got a refrigerator door’s worth of ingredients to hide behind, and it’s pungent salinity is a welcome inclusion. After a depressing amount of recipe experiments, (I was boiling sheets of kelp in Pedialyte to make an “MSG infused dashi broth” at one point) I realized simple is the move. If you’re planning on drinking this when you wake up, mix it the day before and put your blender jar in the fridge, strain it in the morning, then please pour it back into the Pedialyte container and text your friends how horrible it looks. If you think the idea of Pedialyte is disgusting I guess you’ve never been desperately hungover, you can substitute with a high alkaline expensive water, or maybe beef broth could be interesting? Or the cucumber and lime flavored Gatorade is a long shot but might work. You can eyeball these ingredients and tweak them for seasoning before you strain and serve, so just use this as baseline guide. You want Tapatio instead of gochujang? Never realistically see yourself buying clam juice? Not the end of the world. Speaking of gochujang, the Korean fermented chili paste, this recipe is, in fact, leaning Asian, I borrowed the apple cider vinegar bit from a Momofuku Bloody Mary recipe, which I haven’t tried, but in my humble opinion is the most interesting recipe for a bloody I’ve seen online or otherwise.

Equipment

Blender (not a small one) I suppose you could stir it

Ingredients

2 cups clear unflavored Pedialyte

¼ cup clam juice

2 cups canned San Marzano Tomatoes (crushed if possible)

1/4 Cup Dill Pickle Juice

1 ½ tbsp apple cider vinegar (snuck in another hangover cure)

½ tbsp lemon juice + some zest if you’re up for it

1 diced shallot (medium or large)

2 tbsp worcestershire sauce

1 tbsp horseradish

1 tbsp gochujang

1 tbsp miso paste

½ tsp fresh cracked black pepper

1 tsp soy sauce

1/2 tsp sugar

Directions

1. Put all the ingredients in a blender, blend for a minute or two until you’re positive that everything is mixed as well as it’s going to get.
2. Put blender jar in refrigerator for a few hours or overnight for flavors to meld.
3. Pour it through a fine mesh strainer If you plan on mixing with liquor or beer. If you plan on drinking it straight, you might want to strain it through cheesecloth, sadly though, that takes forever, especially when you’re nursing a hangover.