“Ugh, it annoys me so much that you’re not ‘blue’ when you text me!” — It’s a complaint we Android users have gotten for years and it’s Steve Jobs we have to blame. The microscopic, admittedly genius, tweak he many years ago made it easy for Apple users to identify and shame those of us who decided to go our own way. When they ask us why we are ‘green,’ they are essentially mocking us for not joining the puppet-like mentality that has Apple acting as puppeteer.

We all have different reasons why we didn’t go iPhone. Personally, I’ve tinkered with the software of my Androids for years. I remember the glory days of the HTC G1, the first phone with Android. I thought the T-Mobile-exclusive phone was so spectacular that I managed to unlock one and use it with AT&T. The rest was history.

Since the dawn of the G1, Androids have offered a plethora of different features, contrasting to the minuscule changes from iPhone to iPhone (ooh, now the edges are rounded!). While there’s a lot of material that you can pick from to prod iPhone users (this Imagur picture comes to mind), the best way to go about it is to dissect who you’re justifying your phone choice for:

1. Your Humble Relative

Hopefully, you shouldn’t need to pretend with your family, unless you’re trying to bother a sibling. Just be honest about what your Android’s favorite feature is. The durability has always been a great selling point, especially with parents who may pay your phone bills. I wanted the Samsung S5 Active because it could withstand drops from several meters off the ground, in addition to surviving accidental plunges into pitchers of beer (yes, that’s happened). You can also market the ease of transitioning to an Android as of late with tools provided in the box of a new phone, like the Samsung Smart Switch. Google is the software developer behind Android, thus making apps that automatically back up your files to the cloud easy to access on a new phone. Regardless, your family should care about your happiness. So if you are content with your Android, then let them know.

2. The Elitist Randoms

I have actually heard girls on the street say that they won’t date a guy who doesn’t have an iPhone. There’s no winning there, just change the subject. But every so often, you may bump into somebody that shuns you for not sacrificing your Android to join their Apple cult. If you’re not afraid to scorch the earth with that Apple disciple, try actively calling them out on having zero individuality. Flipping the tables on them really puts the rusty nails in their oatmeal, as religious iPhone buyers are frequently on the attack more than they’re on the defense. If active isn’t your style, you can opt for a passive (and much more socially acceptable) response by sarcastically commenting, “cool?” Turn your head a smidgen, and narrow an eye, to really emphasize how much of a tool they are being by pressing their phone fanaticism down your gullet.

3. People to Not Kick Up Dirt With

Are they ragging on your Android every day at work? Is your significant other’s Apple-savvy parent in town? This is a challenging middle ground, as it forces you to absorb a proper thrashing. As defenseless as you may feel, sometimes it’s simply not worth the argument. “Oh, you still have an Android?” They can’t attack you if you’re on their side, so defuse it by saying, “I know, right?” If they badger, “I can’t believe you still use one of those primitive Google devices,” respond with why it’s important to you, or shift the blame onto a sibling. They probably deserve it, anyway. Try, “my nerdy sister got it for me, but I still use it to remember her.” The best armor is invisibility though, so if you need to rig up your software to avoid an unnecessary lecture, there are some ways to make your Android’s software look like an iPhone, and to ridding the burden being a ‘green’ texter by getting iMessage on your Android. Although, if you’re that desperate to look like you have an iPhone for more than a temporary fix, maybe you should just make the switch.

4. Everyone In Between

 I’ve ragged on iPhone users quite a bit during this article, but in reality, most people are usually somewhere in between the categories mentioned above. While Apple may have its devoted disciples, so does Android. Frankly, I’m probably one of them. So while some iPhone users may bash you around a bit for being different, most are genuinely curious. Pick a favorite feature you have about your phone, and declare it with pride. Be humble about it, but don’t be afraid to bite back if they come off snobby. Your phone says a lot about your character, so be proud of standing out.